The Envy By-Product

A few weeks ago I was struck by a thought. The following word splurge is that thought.

To set the scene, I was in an art lesson. I had my earphones in and was listening to some depressing 'alternative' album, and was painting. I was swirling some red oil paint off the end of my paintbrush and onto the blush of my mother's paper cheek, when I thought 'my art skills have improved a lot since I started Art GCSE'. A trivial brain wave, granted. Then it developed. 'I'm as adequate at art now as the people I was envious of a few years ago'. 

Anecdote paused.

Now for a brief interlude...

Envious is not a good thing to be, I think everyone can agree with that. It defaces your self-worth, ruins your judgement, and can upset relationships. Unfortunately, we can't always help the emergence of this emotion. I for one get very envious very easily. Let me demonstrate with a few examples.

A girl's hair falls perfectly adorably without any styling? ENVIOUS
Amazing singer sings amazingly without even trying? ENVIOUS
Just spotted the most beautiful, happy & loving relationship? ENVIOUS
Friend looks stunning without makeup? ENVIOUS
Amazing actor reads script aloud for first time and reduces room to tears? ENVIOUS *

*This I am yet to witness, but if I did, I'm sure I would be very envious of the actor's talent.

So you get the picture. I get very envious. Sometimes it's only a little itch and easy to bat aside. But sometimes it's really heavy and makes me cry, which is rather rubbish. 

Anecdote continued.

'I'm as adequate at art now as the people I was envious of a few years ago'. In Year 7/8/9 I would look at the A Level art work on the walls at school and would feel so conflicted. Half of me was mesmerised by the standard displayed, and in awe of it's beauty etc, but then half of me was confused and frustrated. I would be frustrated because I couldn't understand how it had been made. HOW did they know how to paint the shadow? HOW did they know what shades of green and blue to include in the skin tone? HOW did they get the proportions so accurate? HOW HOW HOW??? You see, as much as I am a creative, free spirited individual, there is a large part of me that screams for everything to be rationalised and explained. Yeah, things can be weird and unorthodox and raise questions, and I love being able to explore interpretations and say 'there is no right answer' but I'm always most comfortable when after all the discussions, there actually is a final answer, whether I agree with it or not. I couldn't understand how these artists work could be a result of just knowing. But yeah, that's a tangent. The point is, I remember a time when I was baffled, and very ******envious****** (KEY word here) of older student's artwork. Now, at the grand old age of seventeen, I know (sort of) how to paint shadows, am confident to include shades of green and blue tastefully in skin tones, and can draw with correct proportions. (With the help of my trusty friend the OHP...) But I'm not announcing this as a form of artistic milestone or call for affirmation, no! I am telling this story because the improvement in my artwork, I believe, has a lot to do with, besides growing older and continued practise (okay I sound like a right idiot now) my envy. OKAY BARE WITH ME. I was envious of other people's work and this drove me to improve. I was determined to reach the standard that I desired. 

Anecdote complete.

If my claim is correct, then envy is not always such a bad thing. Captured and channeled in the right direction, it can motivate us to improve ourselves. And I wholeheartedly advocate healthy self-improvement. 

However, as with all good things, there is a limit to this belief. Envy over other people's physical appearances or circumstances is futile. As much as you may desire a smaller forehead, bigger chest, or smoother skin (all insecurities of my own!) you will never have any power to change this, obviously. But you DO have the power to improve in your skills, achieve academic/occupational/financial goals, make someone happy, be spontaneous and  make a change in the world! (Just to name a few.) 

So I actively encourage you, reader, to have a long hard think about what makes you envious. Then think, is there anything I can do to achieve this?
If yes - go freaking get it  and stop feeling so resentful!
If no - forget it, and embrace what you have. Flaunt what you have even if it seems frightfully unattractive in your eyes. If you air your scarred skin/dysfunctional family/lack of money in public enough, it'll be loved in time.